In any long-term relationship, occasional arguments are inevitable. You can't agree on everything, all the time, and if you live together, it can become more common. Everyday stresses and worries can magnify smaller problems and sometimes people are guilty of taking their frustrations out on the person closest to them.
So when does this arguing become problematic? It's not something where there's a one-size-fits-all method of determining, but if your relationship has reached a stage where arguments are a significant issue, you're probably already aware of that fact.
Knowing and being able to do anything about it, however, are two very different things. Unfortunately, many couples get stuck in a routine of arguing regularly even though neither party is happy with the situation and feels helpless about what to do to remedy it. Here are some tips to help you stop.
Recognise the triggers
There are often a fairly small group of things that lead to most fights among couples. The longer you're with someone, the more you're likely to know and understand what these triggers are for you. This awareness is the first step towards being able to prevent arguments.
Don't bottle up problems
If there are things your partner does that get to you, try to raise the topic calmly. And don't let things simmer until they reach boiling point. To minimise the chances of fights, you need to either resolve problems or let them go, but arguing doesn't help with either.
Celebrate the good times
Sometimes arguments cast a long shadow over the whole relationship, so it's important to stop this from happening. If you find regular fighting has made it difficult to enjoy the time when you're not actively doing so, try to turn things around by planning date nights and fun activities, and remembering why you're together in the first place.
Avoid meanness
When you're angry, it's hard to be rational, but throwing insults and attacking someone's entire character will make it much more difficult to resolve your problems. Try to maintain enough control when you're arguing to at least stick to the problem at hand, and keep childish attacks in check.
Learn to nip arguments in the bud
Sometimes, something as simple as agreeing to sit it out for a minute or two when you have a disagreement can completely diffuse the situation. Apologising even when the other person is also at fault is another way to stop a fight from brewing, or even using a bit of humour can really help. Just make sure you don't ignore genuine problems – if there's something that needs to be discussed, return to it when you're both calmer.
For more information or advice, contact a counselling service.
Share24 July 2017
I've struggled with bouts of depression and anxiety for the past ten years, and in that time I've tried a range of prescription drugs and alternative therapies. I started this blog to share my personal experiences and connect with other people who struggle with these illnesses, as I know only too well how lonely it can be to live under a cloud of depression. I post about a range of topics, such as talking to your employer about depression, getting support from family and friends and self-care tips. I also share my thoughts on the drug-free treatments I've used, such as talking therapy, yoga, homeopathy and meditation. I hope you find my blog interesting and useful.
